All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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