So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just puked most of my soul out..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
