my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want to make out with him forever
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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