I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
