OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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