what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
