i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
