if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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