That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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