Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
