trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
