so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He shit in the fireplace
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
