why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
