just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
