you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
