I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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