I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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