It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
