weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
