i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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