He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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