Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
