So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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