I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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