I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
