That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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