It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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