the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
