She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
