What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
