I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Welp...herpes.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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