I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
