Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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