ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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