I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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