turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
