Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
