John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
