'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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