Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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