Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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