i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
