i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
