just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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