they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
