why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
