i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
