I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's like iHOP with fire
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
