Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
