Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
