The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
