i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
