Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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