Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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