my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
