I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
