is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
