Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
