my vag is so smooth its legendary
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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