At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
