i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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