We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
