Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
