My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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