she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
