I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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